


White Lies

by TheFalconWarrior



Series: Life is a Rollercoaster (A Big, Twisty One) [26]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Red Robin (Comics), Robin (Comics)
Genre: Damian is a Robin, Gen, Humor, Tim Lies to the Batman, bruce is tired, i think, mostly - Freeform, siblings being siblings, tim drake is a good bro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:09:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23660593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFalconWarrior/pseuds/TheFalconWarrior
Summary: After Robin has an incident on patrol, Red Robin comes up with a way to minimize the damage. (It makes very little sense, but hey, if it works...)
Relationships: Damian Wayne & Bruce Wayne, Tim Drake & Bruce Wayne, Tim Drake & Damian Wayne
Series: Life is a Rollercoaster (A Big, Twisty One) [26]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1410376
Comments: 19
Kudos: 245





	White Lies

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt # 26: Stretch  
> For the record, it was funnier in my head.

“Face it, Red Robin,” Robin said smugly into his comm as he swung through the air. “Without me, you would not have been able to close the case.” 

“ _I wouldn’t have_ needed _any help if_ you _hadn’t come crashing into my stakeout_ ,” Red Robin retorted in his ear, and Damian snorted. 

“That was weak, Red Robin.” 

“ _It’s true, and I notice you’re not denying it._ ” 

“I _literally_ just denied it.” 

“ _You said it was weak. That’s just a way of attempting to change the topic without digging yourself further into a hole._ ” 

Damian huffed as he landed in a crouch on the sidewalk. “Really?” 

Drake didn’t respond, but Damian could just imagine the raised eyebrow and slow head-shake. 

He stood up and headed down the street. “Tt.” He turned the corner, and promptly froze. “Oh _shit_.” 

“ _Language,"_ Drake sing-songed in his ear. “ _Holy_ shit. _You stole the Batmobile?”_

Damian growled as he swung around to scan the rooftops. “Did you follow me?” 

The sound of heavy fabric fluttering had Damian whirling around again, facing Red Robin crouched by the side of the Batmobile. 

The older boy didn’t bother to look up at him, instead focused on the tires of the Batmobile. 

He reached out to gently prod at the limp rubber. “Someone worked hard on this.” His voice was carefully neutral. 

Damian clicked his tongue angrily. “When I catch that--” 

Drake finally looked up, eyebrow raised behind the mask. “They’re long gone, Robin.” 

Damian clenched and unclenched his fists, taking a deep breath. 

“You weren’t even supposed to be out at all, were you.” 

“It’s none of your business,” Damian snapped. 

Drake shrugged. “I’m not judging. In ‘Wing’s words, sneaking out behind Batman’s back is a rite of passage at least.” 

“Tt.” Damian turned back to the Batmobile. “There’s only one spare.” 

“You’d have to go back to the cave for more,” Tim agreed, resting an elbow on his knee and propping his chin against a fist. 

“Not helpful, Drake,” Damian snapped. 

“Names.” Drake said absently. He glanced at the Batmobile, one finger tapping his chin. “Although, one Robin to another...” a small smile spread over his face. “I think I have an idea that might get Batman off your back. Just a little.” 

“I don’t need your help.” 

Drake rolled his eyes, finally standing up. “Well, too bad, then.” Damian could see the mirth warring across his features before he broke into a grin. “You’re getting it anyways, cause this is gonna be hilarious.” 

Tim was already opening the back of the Batmobile. It didn’t look like Damian would be able to stop him— _he_ certainly didn’t have any ideas at the moment, and quite frankly, deep down he could admit that the idea of facing Father’s wrath was...unappealing. 

But he couldn’t let Drake have the last word. 

“I suppose I can take it as repayment for saving your case,” he announced, joining Drake at the trunk. 

Drake rolled his eyes. “I stand by my case, all you did was clean up your own mess. You owe me after this.” 

“Tt. Keep dreaming, Red Robin.” 

“Why’d you steal a Batmobile, by the way?” 

“Tt. It’s not the first time.” 

"…" 

“Tt. Just because _you_ never had the guts--” 

“I didn't steal the batmobile because I didn't felt the _need_. I had a bike and then I had the Redbird.” 

“ _Redbird_?” 

“My car.” 

“You had a _car_?” 

"That's what I said, yes."

“Hey, Bruce, you’re not going to believe what happened on patrol today.” 

Bruce grunted as he turned his chair away from the computer, careful of the cast immobilizing his leg. Red Robin grimaced sympathetically as he wandered closer, absentmindedly tugging at his gloves. 

“I can imagine,” Bruce said, dryly, but it came out as more of a grumble. Oops. 

He turned to the smaller figure still standing behind Red Robin. “Robin.” 

Damian tilted his chin up. “Father.” 

His pose _screamed_ defiance, and it was moments like these that Bruce questioned the life decisions he’d made fifteen years ago. Why had he thought it was a good idea to take in kids, again? Shouldn’t he have gotten _better_ at all this by now? Six kids later and _every single one of them_ STILL looked at him exactly like. That. 

“You snuck out,” Bruce stated, careful not to sound angry. “You disobeyed orders.” 

“That was...not actually what I was talking about.” 

Bruce sent a raised eyebrow Tim’s way. The teen hadn’t taken off his mask, but Bruce could see the corner of his mouth twitching. 

“Sorry, it’s just. Notice something missing?” 

Bruce’s eyes narrowed as he turned back to his youngest. “Yes, I did. Damian, we have had this conversation _multiple_ times before, and it looks like we’re having it again.” 

Tim coughed a little behind him, and all the clouds of worry storming through Bruce’s mind cleared for one startling moment, before they started raging faster than ever. “Where is it?” Did Damian have an accident? End up going up against enough of a heavy-hitter to destroy a Batmobile? 

“Ah, yes,” Damian began, shifting. He sent a quick glance in Tim’s direction, and the first stirrings of suspicion rose in Bruce’s mind. “It is rather...undrivable, at the moment.” 

“Undrivable.” 

“Someone stole the wheels,” Tim chimed in helpfully. 

Bruce turned to him, slowly, and stared for a moment, unimpressed. “Funny. What really happened?” 

“Exactly as Timothy says,” Damian said. “Some imbecile took the tires off the Batmobile.” 

“I don’t believe you.” 

“C’mon, Bruce,” Tim interrupted again. “Why would we make it up?” 

“That’s what I’d like to know.” 

“Bruce, you _know_ if I had to come up with a story, it’d be a lot more believable than _that_.” He paused a moment. “And if the brat over there decided to come up with such a dumb cover story I’d never back it up.” 

Bruce rubbed his face. He’d like to believe Tim, he really would, but his children had a habit of forming the oddest team-ups against him at a moments’ notice. 

“Alright,” he said finally. “So. You snuck out, against _express orders_ , stole the Batmobile, and now the tires got stolen?” 

“You’re one to talk, Bruce,” Tim piped up, and Bruce closed his eyes, because he’d known that was coming. 

“At least he didn’t bring back another stray,” Tim went on, and Bruce could hear the chuckles he was fighting. “God knows he already inherited the habit.” 

“ _Excuse me_?” Damian stepped forward dangerously. “Do _not_ refer to my animals as strays, Drake.” 

Tim raised an eyebrow. “It’s a fact.” 

“It’s demeaning.” 

“So you don’t mind me ‘demeaning’ _Jason_ \--” 

“In Todd’s case, it’s fact.” 

“How does that--” 

Bruce rubbed his temples. “Boys.” 

Both boys quieted and turned to face him. 

“Just tell me what really happened.” 

Tim straightened. “Bruce, we _told_ you what happened. We came up to the Batmobile and the wheels were gone. What do you want us to do? Make up some story that you find more believable so you can be mad at Damian without feeling like a hypocrite?” 

Bruce pinched his nose. “Tim.” 

“I mean, it’s not like _you_ got punished for losing the Batmobile’s tires.” 

Bruce didn’t know what thoughts went through his boys’ minds after that comment. But when they both simultaneously _snickered_ , he knew he didn’t want to, either. 

“ _Tim_.” 

“Didn’t he, though?” Damian added, and. 

“ _Boys."_ Yes, he’d snapped that time, but. 

“Sorry.” 

“Just.” He wanted this to be over. God, he’d snuck down into the cave against Alfred’s orders himself, admittedly, although he wasn’t going to admit that to the boys, now, not after Tim’s hypocrite comment. He was supposed to be sleeping, and now he wished he was. “You can’t leave a Batmobile out in the street.” 

“We know,” Damian said. “We returned to get some replacements.” 

Or else they both would’ve hightailed it away from the manor, maybe holed up with one of their brothers to hide from Bruce as long as they could. “Hm.” That was it. He was done. 

He turned back to the computer, and behind him he could hear the boys rummaging around the cave. 

“Let’s hope we don’t find anything else missing,” Damian muttered. 

“Or someone waiting,” Red Robin chuckled. 

“Shut up, Drake.” 

Bruce shook his head. Tim had been spending too much time with Jason. Or Dick. No--they were _all_ like this. Lord help him.

“I still do not understand the point of that spectacle, Red Robin.” 

“No?” 

“No. I am still in trouble with Father for the...incident. And now I am also in trouble for the loss off the wheels.” 

Red Robin shrugged. “Well, to be honest, there was never much you could do about the sneaking out part. And now we’re bringing back the Batmobile in one piece, so you can’t be in trouble for whatever happened with it because he doesn’t actually know what happened, because he doesn’t believe what we told him happened.” 

“Tt. Is such a technicality supposed to be useful? He may still decide to punish me for the sole fact that something happened.” 

This time Red Robin outright _laughed_. “Oh, he _might_. But then everyone would wonder _why_ , and we’d tell, and then there would be no end to how much the others would make fun of him. Nightwing, Hood, _A_. He can’t exactly ground you or something for a mistake he’s made himself without looking like an idiot, and he knows everyone’ll call him out on it. Hopefully he’ll just be tired enough of the whole thing to drop it completely.” 

Robin considered the older boy for a moment. 

“You thought this out.” 

“A little,” Red Robin admitted. “But I also just thought it would be funny.” 

“You are ridiculous.” 

They’d been working on attaching the second wheel to the car when they were interrupted by a gruff voice. 

“Okay, what the hell is going on?” 

They both turned to look at Red Hood, standing with his arms folded. 

Red Robin leaned his head against the side of the car. His shoulders shook with silent laughter. 

Robin glanced his way, then turned to Hood. “Red Robin finally lost it.” 

“You’re such an ungrateful _brat_ ,” Red Robin gasped. 

Red Hood tilted his head. “I’m not sure I wanna know, but at the same time I’m intrigued.” 

Red Robin waved a hand. “Help us with the rest of the tires, and maybe we’ll share.” 

“Like, putting them on or taking them off?” 

Robin would like to state, for the record, that unlike Red Robin, he expressed his amusement with _dignity_. 

**Author's Note:**

> #2 In the Adventures of Tim and Damian in Trying to Get Out of Trouble  
> I love this.  
> TWO WEEKS of spring break, and like, three weeks after where I was still on top of things even with online college, and I had nothing. I mean, I’d sit down and make myself write, I wrote...Spines that way. Stuff for Moonshadow. Half a chapter for Prodigies. But it was HARD, so I decided to take a break, you know?  
> And now. NOW. When I have three papers due the next day and had only started one of them, and have a research paper due in a week that I haven’t started yet cause I had to change the topic, and FOUR midterms in that SAME ONE WEEK. NOW like, three stories come and demand I sit down and start typing. Eh. I needed a break, I guess.  
> There's so much wrong with this story but. I'm sorry if it's all a little...off. I'm just really tired rn.


End file.
